Rita Muliawati (N1A514063)

Assalamualaikum Wr. Wb

               In this occasion, I am going to give a feedback to my friend Wa Ode Arniyanti from her writing in her blog. Of course is not mean if I was perfect in my writing, but I just want to give my opinion to her writing, and I hope it can help in the next writing process.  Well, this is the text that my friend posted:

86

I would like to discuss about one reality show on NET.TV is "86". I was discussing this because I am very interested in how the police perform their duties in the field daily. This show about routine police forces. This event began at 10 pm each day at NET.TV . In the reality show "86" cops are working hard to do its job, among others, regulate traffic, to catch drug dealers, arrest perpetrators of gambling, illegal racing, etc. First watch the event I am very proud as a citizen of Indonesia when I saw the police do its job properly and correctly.              

This event has many benefits. We can take a lesson, one of them when we as road users we should have to obey the rules and we can know the risks if we do not obey these rules. In this event not only road users get a lesson but the police officers also got the knowledge of what he had to do as a police officer. Not only useful but also fun events, this event was very exciting when I saw the police do its job like to pursue the perpetrators fled and guess these actors. This event is good because many offenders are arrested by the police, although many cases of crime in Indonesia, at least thanks to this show crime in Indonesia reduced little by little.             

But I think the show is not the same as what I witnessed in my area. Many police that their job is not true and correct, such as the one when the police arrested a motorist who does not have the driver's license or who does not use a helmet, motorists freed when police received money from the rider and there is also a traffic violators freed because of a personal relationship with the police or some sort of family. Not only that, even the police cooperate with drug dealers to smoothed and the police receive a reward of what he did.  

Although the reality show "86" this directly, I still have doubts about this event. I know this show of cooperation between the police and NET.TV. but I think this is just a crap police force in order to change the image of the police to the public, so that citizens consider the police did a good job, responsible, etc. But I worry about the police do a good job and was just in front of the camera. I hope the reality show “86” continues and I hope the police perform their duties with sincerity in this event, not because just in front of the camera.

These are the mistakes that I think the writer made:

I would like to discuss about one reality show on NET.TV is "86". 

It needs preposition ‘of ’, it better if she say: I would like to discuss about one of reality show on Net TV, it is ‘86’.

I was discussing this because I am very interested in…

We have to consider the grammar, it is not appropriate if we use past continuous but it should be present continuous:  I am discussing this because…..

This show about routine police forces.

When I check this sentence in the application of Microsoft Word, it needs revising again. Just for information, I often hear force never collocated with police, it has collocation with army.

First watch the event I am very proud….

I think this is an unnatural sentence, it is common way to write: when the first time I watched the program……

This event has many benefits. (Paragraph 2)

But I think the show is not the same as what I witnessed in my area. (Paragraph 3)

Although the reality show "86" this directly, (paragraph 2)

The last, I think the writer has to give a special attention toward the main idea. If we want to make a new paragraph we also have to consider the main idea first. In my opinion what the writer was discuss in each her paragraph it was good. I can got it, but the main sentence is unclear.

Ok. That’s all that I want to say, I hope it can give the benefit. I am sorry if there mistake on my opinion. Thank you.  Wassalamualaikum wr. wb